I can feel the weather changing to fall. Though this weather is alot better then 90's-100, which is what we had been having, I can't help but hate accepting that time is passing. Entering another season unhappy and alone. Granted I am doing alot better then I have been. I am starting to admit to myself that there is nothing I can do about it. I am starting to admit that we really are broken up, that this just isnt a break anymore. I think what i have the hardest time accepting is that he has changed. And im scared to think that maybe I fell in love with the person he used to be. Because I dont feel like I know this new person. I still love him, and I guess I still have a little hope that he will come to his senses. At this point, I find it highly unlikely. So here is to accepting the fact that reality sucks! and that the things we want most in life dont always work out. Nothing is a fairytale.
My dream today:
I had wrote Mr. Johnson a letter saying how disgusted I was by him, and the things he did. I told him that he was an amazing teacher and that so many people respected him, why would he be so stupid to throw all of that away? I brought it to his house and he invited me in and started reading it and he said that it was the biggest mistake of his like and he knew how terrible it was, and that he was sorry. He took me to his room, which resembled a teenagers, and as we were talking he suddenly looks panicked and says "Oh Goodness...I need to take you somewhere." My automatic reaction was "NO!" and "why?" He said that he couldnt help but be attracted to me and that if he brought me to his parents then they would help him resist. I said that I think I should leave. He continued to try to convince me to stay as I started to walk out of the house. Lance came out of his room and asked what was going on? and where we were going. Mr. Johnson lied and said we were going to get something to eat. I just walked out of the house and started walking towards my car. He pulled up in a red and black sports car and asked me to get in. I said no, that i needed to leave. He got out of the car to hug me goodbye. He started rubbing my arm or my side and I would push him away and say no, and he would continually say he was sorry and that he was trying to resist.
For those of you who do not know. Mr. Johnson was a teacher I had when I was a junior in highschool. He went to jail for being sexual with several underage students. Though I was not one of them, people close to me were. He recently got out of jail, and is haunting my dreams...
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