Im hurting.. and I just wish it would stop. It kills me to look back and realize there was a time when I was happy. Its so hard for me to have patience and to just trust that this is what God wants. Thats extremely hard for me to accept. Helping courtney through her break up brought back even more bad feelings. I just dont know how long he is gonna make me wait until he lets me go. Im dangling by a thread here. Sometomes I really resent him for having this power over me. Mean while trying to concentrate on school has helped... except today. Need to study but can barely focus enough to read anything.
Dreams: I worked in a antique furniture store and it was really fancy, there was a bed in one of the rooms and me and Austing started kissing and just before it got good one of my coworkers interruoted us before we could lock the door. The he went missing and he went off and joined the army and came back with a jeep full of girls and I just remember him yelling at me telling me to basically butt out of his business.
I had another dream that Courtney and Blake were getting married and I was late to the wedding and I was a Brides made. They shared the wedding with a lesbian couple. I got there just in time and stacie helped me change real quick and then courtney walked out looking beautiful with all of her cousins in silver dresses infront of her. Me and stacie were in a light lavender, and cheerleaders were in mint green. When courtney got to the alter she sang a little song about the different dresses and me and stacie ripped our clothes off to show the dresses. I just remember crying when they got married cuz I was really happy for them but also I was sad because I knew me and Austin couldnt get better because our relationship wasnt where it needed to be.
I was in texas and faith was picking out life size barbies and she wanted a life size bed to put them in, so I was showing Chad the different beds he could get her. Rollie had died but Dad dug her back up cuz he said she wasnt dead. She was in the Den and I was like "why is rollie in here.. she is dead?" and then she started moving. She was going in and out of death. A group of us were going to renees and there was a railroad being built in the middle of nowhere on the back roads. My family and Jaci's family were going to go to eat but we didnt get menus so we left cuz the service bad and split up and went wherever we wanted to go. Jaci was willing to pay for stuff and offered to take our parents out.
I woke up Jake in the middle of the night to fix Austins truck. They had a business and I was planning on surprising him. It was in the country. And then I started crying and told him I had cancer, He said he was sorry and that he wouldnt tell austin if I didnt want him too. Then there was this house with a wigi board in the same town. We all went there and there were monkeys there.
Me and Austin were talking and he told me that Andie met a guy in knoxville and that he was rich and bought her a restraunt that was at the top of the UT stadium. And he was thinking about moving and living their with herbut he was extremely jealous that his sister was consumed with this new guy. And he just kept saying stuff about how stupid relationships and love are. And I kept hugging him tighter and tighter trying to make him realize that our relationship could be like that again. Then I was walking to his house and I was on his road and I accidently turned wrong and literally walked into someones house.
No comments:
Post a Comment