late nights

I feel like I am going through the 5 steps of grieving. Little did I know, breakups do entail the five stages of grief. 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance. I believe I am on 3. I just kind of got out of the anger phase but its still kinda there sometimes. I just feeled lied to. I feel like I deserve better treatment. I feel that I can't be doing this to myself anymore and that I just need to accept that it is over. If a guy wants to choose weed and hanging out with his buds over me then he is obviously not worth much. Really though, where is he going in his life? Pot head middle class blue collar job! what a great life to start for your self at 19. You have pretty much determined your future. And maybe the pot is just a phase, but what about the attitude, how can I expect someone to change BACK into who they were. People go forward, not reverse. In reality, I am just coming to terms that this isnt working in any way shape or form... Im not gonna let you use me anymore. I honestly dont even think you care about me anymore. And that hurts the most. How can feelings like that disapear? I know while I was in Chatt that it was rough on our relationship, and I understand I guess wanting to fix things a re-group. But that is not what your doing anymore. I dont even know what you are doing? I dont understand what your intentions are anymore. Either you want me or you dont.... I am done with the games. Im alone.. and I am accepting that I already lost you.. so i dont have much else to loose. I hope you find whatever you are looking for but I am not gonna wait around until you feel like you want me back. I want someone who treats me with more respect then that. I just can't wait to be over this so I dont feel this sharp pain anymore. I still think about you every night and day.. but I dont want to anymore. Im trying to accept & move on. It is still hard for me to accept that it is really over.

I wanted to rant on how much I hate weed, but I am just to upset to even continue writting.