Is this it?

I got a fotune cookie that told me something good will happen to me soon. I got another one that said to keep a look out for lost pennies and they will bring you luck. Whenever me and austin first started talking I found soooo many lost pennies and I would always joke that I was lucky that I found him and thats why I was finding so many pennies. I feel soo lost. Now more than ever. First he apologizes for being an asshole and says I didnt deserve it.(which i didnt) and then, he continues to be an asshole? and what does your apology mean? like Goodbye, I am sorry for treating you bad. or Im sorry, Ill try and do better? Im just so hurt. And i dont understand why he literally doesnt want me at all. How can someone change from "there is noone more perfect than you that i want to spend my life with." .. to: ignoring my texts and not caring if he sees me again. This situation is so akward.. if this really is ending, I dont want it to be like this. I always thought we would end up back together eventually. But Im kinda giving up at this point. It hurts so bad. It makes me never ever want to fall in love again. Everything was so perfect with him, I just dont understand why things had to change, why he had to change. I just want to go back in time. I feel so empty and broken. And i dont even want to pick up the pieces and move on because that means I will have to leave him behind. everyone says "He's a dick, you deserve better" he wasnt always like that, and I know i deserve better treatment, but he used to treat me the best! and I am in love with him. Maybe he is just lost right now. But I figured he would realize he doesnt want to be alone, and that I was the only one he wanted to be in love with. Maybe that just isnt the case. Maybe he has decided that we arent really significant in his life. I love this kid more than life, but I dont think there is anything else I can do. Its up to God now. If we are ment to be it will happen. But it is increasingly hard coming to terms with that realization. :( I can hardley function.

Dreams:

I had a dream that I was in lab and I had forgotten that Austin was in there also. But I wasn't speaking to him. I texted him something and he texted back saying he missed being with me and I didn't reply. We sat down.and he was across from me. It was awkward. He asked me if I wanted to hangout after.. and I.looked him like "seriously???" He hugged me and said he was sorry. I was sceptical.

 

I was at a park and Austin was dating someone else but he really didnt like her that much and I was trying to convince him that he needs to be with me and I was bawling my eyes out and asking him how he could do this to me? Andi pulled me aside and said that they all love me and want us to be togetherand was asking if i would give him a second chance, I said yes, but that I didnt think he wanted to be with me, She said she would try and convince him. Then we went to the apartments that kim kardashian was staying in and it was in florida, So we rented a room and was on the look out to see her, meanwhile there was a baseball tournament that was staying at the hotel on our floor so me and stacie put a paper up saying to leave your phone number in a envelope that we put on our door. And they did. I remember feeling wanted..

We were trying to find someone who had disapeared and we flew to Paris. There was like this wierd spirit thing that could only leave its master in the winter so it wouldnt grow and it was courtney's sister?? But it wasnt really human and it kept capturing people and tring to keep itself a seret and courtney was a taxi driver and we were chasing them to save courtney.

I was driving with my mom and I was going like 48 in a 40 and a cop passed me going the opposite way and he turned around in the middle of the road to pull me over, but he didnt look and hit a car. I pulled over to help and he came up to me and blamed me. He said I ran Him into that other car, that harrison preston was driving for some reason. I argued with him and he argued abck and then he just told me to leave. We should have stayed to explain to the other cops and fill out witness forms. Harrison was working at bestbuy, so when I got a letter in the mail blaming me for the accident I went to find harrison to get him to admit that I didnt do it. Of course Austin had gotten a job their too. I went up to them and they were talking about a party that everyone was high at. and i said " of course everyone would be high" I asked harrison what happened last night and he said that I hit him. And I was like Seriously tell the truth. Then we started arguing and I went up to austin and was hitting him jokingly and I said hey. He was like "what do you want?" really irratated. I asked him why he was acting like that and he told me to go away and leave him alone. So I walked out of the store, upset. My mom was outside and asked if I talked to harrison and I started crying saying Austin is in there and that I couldnt go back in there and face him. Harrison was walking out and my mom confronted him and bribed him with a new piece for his car and was burning him on the engine until he said yes.

 

'I was at a school carnival and I met this guy and he was sweet and was talking about how he hates guys that just want sex, and I though that was really sweet of him. Meanwhile I was completely naked at this carnival and everyone acted like it was normal. I later caught that guy making out with some girl and I walk in and ask him what he is doing and I make the girl leave> He apologizes and asks if I will do stuff with him instead. I refuse and then he starts flirting and saying that I turn him on. So I start to kiss him and he pulls down his pants and trys to get me to touch his penis. Though his penis was like stuffed in a hole INside his body. in aluminum foil??? and it was really skinny and looked like a worm and had this green gunky stuff all over it. He asked me to suck it, and when I started to it was slimy, oily and tasted disgusting. I immidietly left and washed my mouth out. When I woke up I remember thinking that I was never going to find a penis as perfect as Austins.